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When did it get so calm?

Finding our stride after four emotional months (Candace)

It may be because I went off of birth control in April.  It may be because we’ve quit our jobs and don’t have that burden/intellectual stimulation causing us heartburn.  It may be the jet lag or lack of sleep or aches and pains from climbing and trekking and yoga.  But whatever the cause, I’ve been an emotional masterpiece for the past four months.

If I have called you or emailed you in tears, I apologize. If we are close, you have likely gotten a call from me at least once on this trip after I got upset because I couldn’t read Andrew’s personal email to his friend, or when felt unappreciated when he didn’t gush over a gift I bought him (one that he didn’t ask for and probably didn’t want or need), or when I felt that he was reading his books more often because he no longer wanted to communicate with or be married to me (resulting in my storming out of the hotel room in Vietnam and having dinner alone).

As Andrew has lovingly put it, I have been his “basket case of a wife.”

As much as we have loved this crazy adventure around the world, and as much as we’ve grown, both individually and together, because of it, we certainly have had our days.  I’ve been clingy and moody, he’s been withdrawn and aloof.  And both of us have been frustrated many, many times along the way.

But, as we were having dinner last night for our last evening in Cambodia following a boozy lunch and swim in one of the posh pools at The Pavilion and a nap in our suite, we realized, “Hey, when did things get so calm for us?” 

Nothing has changed so dramatically in our days.  I still got pissed at the guy who stole my window seat on the plane to Bali today.  Andrew is still in his trance with headphones in, listening to a critique on Shakespeare.  But for some reason, it’s okay.

We aren’t so emotionally affected by the other person’s moods as we have been.  I’m not getting so hurt when we aren’t canoodling 24 hours a day.  Andrew isn’t as annoyed when I complain because a noise is keeping me up, only to get upgraded to the master suite again.

As we talked about it last night, we predicted that this sudden change in turbulence may be due to the fact that we we are both getting back into work mode, making plans with friends and family for the holidays, and busying ourselves with the daily normalness that we’ve gone without for a while.  But I’d like to think that maybe, just maybe, we are just learning how to be together.

I’m positive Andrew’s blood pressure will still spike when I wake him at 2am in hysterics because I’m convinced that we just accidentally fell asleep in the forest at Angkor Thom (this just happened), and that I’ll be in tears again when he doesn’t like my movie selection for date night (happens every time), but we’re married now.  We aren’t going anywhere.  And we’ll figure out how to ride this crazy roller coaster together. 

How soothing.

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